|  STARGAZING With: ALFONSE |  |
| STARGAZING With: ALFONSE | |
ROCK ‘N’ ROLLHOROSCOPESby Alfonse “the region’s rock ‘n’ roll guru”
AQUARIUS(Jan. 20 ~ Feb. 18)
Well, well...so you got all the goodies you wanted for Christmas after all . Enjoy them, because the guilt trip you caused with your persistent hint dropping made you look as shallow and greedy as you are – there will soon be a price to pay sweetie.PISCES(Feb. 19 ~ March 20)
That didn’t last long. Those New Year’s resolutions are already out the door aren’t they buck-o! Don’t fret, no one expected you to stick to it. That’s why the pants you got for Christmas have an elastic band in the waist. Just keep pigging out and blowing off the health club. This little piggy eats more than just roast beef!ARIES(March 21 ~ April 19)
The year is actually off to a great start for you Valentine... that will not change this month. You’ll get your chocolate on Feb 14, but it will be melted all over the naughty parts of your significant other... Mmmmm...melts in your mouth...for sure!TAURUS(April 20 ~ May 20)
Make those investments you have been thinking about, buy lottery tickets, go to the boats! Luck is in your corner this month... so take advantage of it...fast!GEMINI(May 21 ~ June 20)
The lusting in your heart will drive you crazy unless you tell them how you feel. Yeah, they already have a partner...but that’s why there are hotel rooms and condom machines. Duh...it’s lust...not love. Go for it and live out the fantasy!CANCER(June 21 ~ July 22)
Tread very cautiously for the next several weeks, because your share of good luck was dealt out to Taurus folks this month.LEO(July 23 ~ Aug 22)
Money and sex will be in the forefront of your mind this month Leo. Forget it! Keep the money in your pocket. You will not score no matter how much money you drop on them for Valentine’s Day. A tube of Jergens is a lot cheaper and a sure thing!VIRGO(Aug 23 ~ Sept 22)
Unlike Pisces, you have done rather well shedding the baggage baby. Good for you. Now that you are slimming down, get rid of the other “baggage” and get yourself a brand new lover this Valentine’s Day...LIBRA(Sept 23 ~ Oct 22)
Your people skills will pay off this month Libra. You will need to schmooze like hell to get things worked out the way you want them. Go get ‘em you silver tongued devil!SCORPIO(Oct 23 ~ Nov 21)
So Scorpio...have you gotten laid yet? Naw, I didn’t think so. Face it, you need to re-evaluate yourself if your relationship status is to change. Work on that horrid personality of yours a LOT.SAGITTARIUS(Nov 22 ~ Dec 21)
A health scare may come to you or a very close loved one, but you have to keep the faith and know that all will work out okay. You will walk away from this bad situation with a newfound appreciation for the good things in your life.CAPRICORN(Dec 22 ~ Jan 19)
Keep your eyes towards the ground until February 25th. You are due to stumble across something important and valuable. What you choose to do with it will determine the type of person you have become.
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