STARGAZING 

With: ALFONSE

ROCK ‘N’ ROLL

HOROSCOPES

by  Alfonse  “the region’s rock ‘n’ roll guru”

AQUARIUS

(Jan. 20 ~ Feb. 18)

July is the month celebrating Independence. So go out celebrate independent of your loser friends who are holding you back and being a bad influence.  There are new people waiting to embrace you into their circle.

PISCES  

(Feb. 19 ~ March 20)

Explosive fireworks of the negative kind in your relationship will cause your significant other to look elsewhere for someone to lick their emotional wounds

ARIES  

(March 21 ~ April 19)

It looks like some last minute traveling is in your future.  Could be business related, but you should make it “pleasure” too.  An anonymous liaison while away is just what you need.

TAURUS 

(April 20 ~ May 20)

Not paying bills on time is going to create a world of hell for you as you get mired in both financial and emotional muck.  Your emotional bills need to be paid also. Don’t wait to “pay back” those who have been good to you -- time is slipping away fast.         

GEMINI  

(May 21 ~ June 20)

Skyrockets in flight...describes your sex life in July.  Someone is going to really light up your firecracker and make it pop!

CANCER

(June 21 ~ July 22)

Sex on the beach or some other outdoor romp will lead to you finally freeing yourself of the inhibitions that have been plaguing your ability for intimacy.  Go wild and live on the edge.  The thrill of being caught is what makes it exciting!

LEO

(July 23 ~ Aug 22)

Your lucky streak is starting to run dry...if you didn’t play the lottery or the ponies last month...DON’T do it now.  You are doomed to failure until the Harvest Moon on all gambling ventures.

VIRGO

 (Aug 23 ~ Sept 22)

Why are you so intent on breaking the hearts of those who love you?  It’s time to grow up and think clearly about the consequences of your actions. Don’t make mistakes that will affect the rest of your life. 

LIBRA 

(Sept 23 ~ Oct 22)

You are still attracting the bottom feeders.  Avoid night clubbing and the bar scene, because Mr. Goodbar (or Mrs. Goodbar) is out there looking for you.    

SCORPIO

(Oct 23 ~ Nov 21)

You can finally breath easy.  All the drama is over and you can start going about your business without having to look over your shoulder.     

SAGITTARIUS

(Nov 22 ~ Dec 21)

Lucky Bastards!  Life continues to be one long, happy, alcohol-soaked Jimmy Buffett concert for you.  Enjoy your good fortune. 

CAPRICORN

(Dec 22 ~ Jan 19)

Capricorn...you will never learn.  You make your bed, you sleep in it with all the bedbugs you bring into your life.  Sad!..

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