STARGAZING

AQUARIUS

(Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

Your sex drive is in double time this month. For the single Aquarius that is a great thing. All the sexy nymphos are picking up your vibe.

PISCES

(Feb. 19 - March 20)

Stubborn ass!! Playing hard ball will get you nowhere. Compromise is your best method this month. When someone throws something at you don’t lose your cool. Look at all sides before you make a final decision, and there will be three major decisions ahead.

ARIES

(March 21 - April 19)

Balance is a huge problem for you these days. You feel like nothing is for sure. If you would only stop dwelling on past events you’d see that nothing is for sure is actually a lot of fun.

TAURUS

(April 20 - May 20)

You’ll have a few adventurous weeks ahead of you. You’ll be meeting new people going to different places. Don’t be afraid to try something new. You only live once.

GEMINI

(May 21 - June 20)

November will be nice to you. Cash will be flowing. Love life will be great and that musical side project you’ve been thinking of is going to take off. Look out!

CANCER

(June 21 - July 22)

Procrastination is your middle name. Now is the time to get out of that rut you’ve put yourself in. “No” should not be in your vocab this month. Just get up off your lazy ass and do something for a change.

LEO

(July 23 - Aug 22)

Love is everywhere you see it, if you would only stop looking so hard. It’s right in front of your face. Looks aren’t everything, so don’t be so superficial. The perfect one for you has been there all along stupid.

VIRGO

(Aug 23 - Sept 22)

Tension and stress is overwhelming you this month. Your’re surrounded by negative energy. Let go, spend some time alone. Reevaluate things and watch some porn. If nothing else you’ll sleep good!! Ya, stroke man

LIBRA

(Sept 23 - Oct 22)

You go baby! You have LOTS to be thankful for this month. Luck is turning along with the leaves for those born under the Libra sign. Plan for Happy Holidays with no problems in your work or personal life. Remember the best karma is good karma, so donate some time this Thanksgiving at a local food pantry or something.

SCORPIO

(Oct 23 - Nov 21)

Love it or leave it, but please stop bitching about it. Only you can change things that aren’t right. Don’t be a sore loser. The consolation prize is the best prize of all.

SAGITTARIUS

(Nov 22 - Dec 21)

Watch your reputation honey! You’ve been doing the nasty and being seen. Be verrrrrrry careful. The one you have your eyes on does not want tampered goods. So watch your step, you might lose them and all you will wind up with is a visit to the free clinic.

CAPRICORN

(Dec 22 - Jan 19)

Your life is spirling out of control and you choose to blame others when in reality it’s all your fault. Accept some responsibility for your actions. You’ll finally be able to get a handle on things.

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