March BEAT

CRAWLIN' THE WEB"

with Kelly J. Calton

    I’m back from my month off! I got such a huge response from the February
issue, that I decided get more detailed this month. For those who missed my
February column, it was about love on line. The technical revolution is
providing more ways for people to meet.

   I found some people in the “Chicagoland Chat” room to interview that have
experience in this area. Some had some very good experiences, while others
were total disasters. Real names are not being used in this article, just
their nicknames in chat.

    “Seth” had made a love connection on line. “Would I do it again? It’s
hard to say. Quite honestly, I’m a little more weary about it now. But I’ll
never rule anything out. Am I still with that person? No, so I guess that’s
not real uplifting. At the same time I really liked her and I’m glad I had
some time with her, so I guess I'd have to say it was a good experience.”

    “Jessica” also met someone online. “We were together for 18 months, 14
of them living together. I dumped him because he was spoiled, immature and
selfish. Those are things I would never have known if I hadn’t been with him
in real life. Online, he played the part very well and hid all those nasty
little character flaws. Would I do this again? I honestly don’t know. He did
not understand why I still chatted online once I was with him. He used chat
for the hookup and I used it to talk to friends or kill time.”

       “MoxyRoxxU” met her future husband on line. They are now living
together and plan to get married within the next year.

   “~Ivana~” has also made a love connection and would do it again. Overall,
she found it was a positive experience.

   Some people consider the whole idea of meeting someone online extremely
dangerous.

    “Jessica” agrees, “It can be, that’s for sure. You just have to be
smart about it and meet in public places with other people around. It’s just
like if you meet someone in a bar, you don’t go out to the dark parking lot
alone with them. Don't travel alone across country to meet a name on the
screen and stay at his place. That’s just insanity.”

    “Seth” adds – “I most definitely feel it can be dangerous for younger
people. Not that I’m old and all wise, but I feel I’m a pretty good judge of
character. I think these days it’s just as dangerous walking in and out of a
mall. I think if people take the appropriate steps before meeting someone
from the net, it can turn out to be an okay experience.”

    “You can be anyone you want to be on the net. You can have whatever you
desire. Be outgoing, be confident, whatever. And you can also be whatever the
other person wants you to be. And what most people forget, is that the other
person can act however they think you want them to. You don’t see into their
eyes, so lies are harder to catch. True feelings are missed by not seeing the
body language,” said “Jessica.”

    “MoxyRoxxU” agrees. “I think it’s easier to mislead someone on the net
because, you can re-invent yourself. I know quite a few who do make
themselves out to be people they aren’t.”

    Anyone who has ever been in a chat room has seen those people that are
“in love” and have never met. Can people fall in love simply by sending text
messages back and forth to each other?

    “~Ivana~” says – “I believe you can fall in love with someone you’ve
never met, although I am not sure how SMART it is to do so. On one hand, you
can be more honest with them because you don’t even know them, but a lot of
people on the net are just not honest.”

    “Jessica” disagrees – “Love? No, I don’t think so. I think it is
possible to know someone very well and develop a fantastic friendship with
them through chats. An admiration or respect. You can even love their
personality. But those people that say they are “in love” with someone
they’ve never met are only in love with the fantasy that they’ve created in
their own heads. They are in love with a fairy tale. Being in love is a
complex thing that requires more than just being able to talk to a person for
hours on end.”

    Is it easier to get to know someone when all the superficial stuff isn’t
involved?

   “Seth” says – “It does seem to have it’s benefits. It’s much easier to
get through all the crap when all you have is dialogue and a person’s mind to
deal with. I don’t need a model, or a superstar. All I need, is someone who
will listen and talk to me when I need it. That’s what the internet provides.
If you’re looking for the real deal – love – my personal belief is that you
are not going to find it over a computer screen. Somethings can’t be said
with keystrokes.”

   “MoxyRoxxU” says – “I believe this can be true, especially for shy
people who have trouble letting people get to know the real them.”

   “Jessica” adds – “Superficiality is always a part in choosing. In real
life, you may see a man who’s 5’6” while you are 6’ tall. Chances are,
neither of you will talk to the other because you are not matched. On the
net, you can at least get to know the person, then by the time you find out
they’re 5’6”, you have already made a new friend.”

    So there you go! Some have had good and bad experiences with “on line
love.” You can talk to all of these folks in “Chicagoland Chat,” which is
also where the “Midwest BEAT Chat” room is located! Log on –
www.outtasiteweb.com/chat/ – to join in.

   I personally feel that the love on line stuff is a bad idea, but hey,
that’s just me. I also think that the net can be a very dangerous place to be
sometimes. If people decide to use the net to seek love and the perfect mate,
then they better be REAL careful. Not only with their physical health, but
also with their heart.

   That’s all for now. See you next month!