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ON THE FRONT LINES with Freak |
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ON THE ROAD WITH... FREAK TOILET
TALES WITH TESLA Chicago Heights, IL. -
7/14/02
I sat down on the cold
hard seat, closed my eyes and prepared for the worst.
To my left, Tesla
vocalist Jeff Keith continued with his story as he did the same. “Aww
Freak I’m telling you man we were riding these roller coasters in Cedar
Rapids and by the time I got off the fourth one, which was actually the
lamest of the bunch, I had a mouth full of vomit,” he said, as I sat
staring at the floor grunting occasionally in response.
“So I did a quick spit into this garbage can on the platform but our
bus driver caught it so I was busted.”
The story finally came to an end as he
stood, pulled up his jeans and flushed the toilet he had been occupying.
I soon followed suit and exited my stall, joining Jeff in front of
the sink where he was staring into a warped piece of stainless steel that
was screwed to the wall trying, as I was, to ignore the cacophony of foul
odors that were assaulting our senses. How did I end up
sharing that bathroom experience with Mr. Keith? Simple, it was just... one of those days!
It started off rough
as a warm shot of Jack Daniel’s nearly produced my own mouthful of vomit
in a bar called Leo’s. I
glanced at the clock as I fought to keep the Jack down and saw it was 2:15
a.m, so I figured it was time to hit the road.
I hopped into my Jeep, which was topless and doorless, and fired it
up just as a pick-up truck was pulling into the space along side me.
I started backing out when some dude in a Marlin’s cap leaned out
of the truck’s window and knocked on the hood.
“Now what,” I mumbled as I hit the brakes praying it
wasn’t the cops. “Hey
dude, we just closed the Burger King down the street,” he stammered
while producing a bag with the Men in Black logo on it.
“Have some leftovers,” he blurted as he launched the bag in my
direction, “they’re still
warm.” “Thanks,”
I chirped as I tossed it in the backseat and hit the gas once again
bolting for the exit on my way to the races.
Morning was near and I knew I needed some shut eye.
I woke up to the sound
of laughter. I forced open my
eyes to the blinding rays of the morning sun and three teenage kids who
were finding great amusement in the spider web that had been woven between
my shoe and the roll bar during the night.
Looking about, I momentarily feared that in my drunken state I had
driven into the middle of some motorhome dealer’s parking lot and passed
out.
Sitting up, I realized I was actually in the
RV corral of the Chicagoland Speedway and as I searched for my shades I
discovered the Burger King bag on the floor.
Inside were two whoppers on top of a dozen orders of fries.
Thanks dude I thought as I tossed the fries across the lawn for the
circling gulls and bit into a cold burger with four patties on it.
The Tropicana 400 was far from
exciting. Nestled up in
section 407, I had a bird’s eye view of the track and pits but what good
is that when nothing that you really wanted to see happens.
Sure the four-lap battle between Tony
Stewart (20) and Jr. (8)
was awesome and the battle for first after the last re-start between Jeff
Gordon (24) and eventual winner Kevin
Harvick (29), had me on my feet until the checkered dropped but what
about the other 260 laps?
While you never want
to see anyone get hurt, let’s be honest.
You want to see at least one kick-ass pile-up sometime during the
race. Yellow flags over a few
minor spinouts and some track debris just don’t figure into an exciting
NASCAR afternoon.
I filed out of Joliet
with 70,000 other folks and meandered about the back roads until I came
upon Rt. 30. Remembering that
I read in Midwest
BEAT that Tesla, Vince
Neil, Jackyl and Skid Row
were scheduled to jam over at Oasis 160, I headed east.
I was brown capping upon arriving as my body
had decided that it was time for the two stale Whoppers I wolfed down that
morning to go. I parked out
back, next to Jackyl’s tour bus and quickly headed inside.
As I rounded the corner, I ran into Mr. Keith who flagged me down.
“Hey bro, I just got in and I just gotta hit the head.” I told him. “That’s
what I’m lookin for too man.” He replied.
“Follow me, I know where it is...” And so... wait...that’s where you came in... |
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