STARGAZING

AQUARIUS

(Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

Don’t give up yet, I know the road has been bumpy. But smooth sailing is on the horizon, so be patient. Things will be better this month, better than they have been all year just wait and see.

PISCES

(Feb. 19 - March 20)

Love is in the air. That’s right baby and you’re gonna get some, hopefully. Watch out! A so-called good friend might try to move in on your love interest, so please BEWARE! With friends like that who needs enemies?

ARIES

(March 21 - April 19)

This is a good month for you. You’re gonna finally get some recognition. Recognition at your place of work. Recognition in the bedroom. You’re gonna get more money and an abundance of poon-tang. Life is sweet for the Ram folks this month.

TAURUS

(April 20 - May 20)

This will be an awesome month for you. Finally things go in your favor. You might find yourself going on a short “get away.” Your love life is not so worrisome as that “problem” will soon be rectified. There is a party and/or concert in the immediate future to boot!

GEMINI

(May 21 - June 20)

A great turn of luck is coming your way. Money comes in from all directions. Everyone is in a generous mood so take advantage. Don’t get distracted from your main priorities. Stay grounded.

CANCER

(June 21 - July 22)

After you pick up the pieces of last month, do your best to try and fix what you have broken. Especially that relationship that is hanging by a thread. It might take some time, but what else do we have but time (it heals all wounds...remember?)

LEO

(July 23 - Aug 22)

Leo the lion, so confident on the outside, so shy and unsure on the inside. Stop! You’re very sexy, motivated and have a lot to offer. Put yourself out there. It’s only called strange the first time.

VIRGO

(Aug 23 - Sept 22)

You’ve been whooped on by the pussy fairy Mr. Virgo! You’ve finally found true love, so don’t mess it up due to your own insecurities. As long as you think with your big head instead of your little one, life will be dandy. Sorry Lady Virgos...the search continues this month for Mr. Right.

LIBRA

(Sept 23 - Oct 22)

If it smells like shit and tastes like shit, guess what? It probably is shit. And that’s what your partner is full of. You deserve better so go find someone new.

SCORPIO

(Oct 23 - Nov 21)

Life is a bitch so get use to it. You complain enough for two. Instead of whining about it, go out and fix the problem. It’s all up to you lazy ass.

SAGITTARIUS

(Nov 22 - Dec 21)

Nothing is ever good enough for you. W never know what personality we are dealing with Sybil. You wonder why everyone is so reserved with you, maybe it’s not us (just maybe it’s you...and you...and you).

CAPRICORN

(Dec 22 - Jan 19)

Things are chnaging. You need to decide wheter to change with it or go your own way. It’f you’re not satisfied you need to take the steps to make yourself happy. No one else can do it for ya.

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