AQUARIUS

(Jan. 20 ~ Feb. 18) 

     Finding “Miss Right” is hard to do while you’re mesmirized by “Miss Right Now.”   Slow down, get to know some of these girls.  See if they look as good the next day without a few beers.  You’re lonely inside and you’re in need of something your buddies can’t give ya.  

PISCES

(Feb. 19 ~ March 20) 

      Wow, now that you’ve served the past few months in hell, you’re rewarded a little taste of heaven.  The girl of your dreams enters your realm mid-month.  Everyone is gonna want a taste of that, but stay cool baby.  Make her come to you (and she will). Afterward everything will fall quickly in place (if you know what I mean baby). 

ARIES

(March 21 ~ April 19) 

     What is your malfunction?  Everyone in your life does for you and in return you want more.  Take the silver spoon out of your ass.  It’s time to get busy and make your own way, otherwise you’ll wind up being a fat, lazy, hippy sitting on your mom’s couch strumming a guitar in one hand and your weiner in the other.

TAURUS 

(April 20 ~ May 20) 

     Less than zero is what your gonna end up with baby if you don’t watch your spending habits.  Don’t try to impress anybody with materialistic propaganda.  Your entertaining personalities are impressing enough.  You can’t buy love, but you can rent really cheap sluts for awhile.  Kick her to the curb.

GEMINI

(May 21 ~ June 20) 

     Love in an elevator or car or bathroom or...you get the point.  Good for you!  You kinky bastard.  It seems this month you are on the go and you’ll take it where you can get it.  News of a business opportunity is coming your way.  Be careful, look before you leap. It might sound good at first, but you need to think long term.

CANCER

(June 21 ~ July 22) 

    Lady Luck is always on your side (what’s new). Once again, this month brings great things for you. A new well off American beauty walks through your door and wants to pamper you.  She’ll shower you with lavish gifts, dinners, and freak-a-deak sex. Lucky bastard, nothing to complain about this month.

LEO

(July 23 ~ Aug 22) 

     Don’t let the little things in life stress you out.  Take things for what they’re worth.  You’re on the right track and don’t let anyone tell you different.  Keep up the hard work, it will soon pay off.  More money comes your way at the end of the month.  It will continue coming your way the next couple of weeks.  Stay focused.

VIRGO

(Aug 23 ~ Sept 22)

     Don’t give into everyone else’s demands.  You should relax as much as possible and never mind when your lady starts nagging.  You’ve been working your balls off and deserve some special attention (so what if you’re a litle crabby).  She should be more understanding and tell her if she doesn’t shut her pie hole, you’ll stuff it for her and make your own special attention.  Yeah, baby!.

LIBRA 

(Sept 23 ~ Oct 22) 

     You know what they say, “good guys finish last”.  Thank God you’re bad to the bone.  Getting laid is not a problem this month.  One of the “chosen” turns out to be a real psycho bitch (stalker material).  Beware, she will throw a few curb balls in your game.  Be honest with your intentions from the get go.  This way when she trys to blow up your car or assult you and your new prospect you won’t feel too guilty pressing charges.

SCORPIO

(Oct 23 ~ Nov 21) 

      You are gonna meet the most beautiful girl in the most unexpected place.  But guess what?  You have a great girlfriend.  What to do, what to do.  My motto is cheaters must die.  My psychic feeling tells me fate is trying to tell you something, let your gut show you the way.  Be true to yourself and nothing else matters.

SAGITTARIUS

(Nov 22 ~ Dec 21) 

     Warning, the cat is soon to be out of the bag baby.  If you’re messing where you shouldn’t be, put on the red light.  Stop while you’re ahead.  You’re taking a chance.  You’re gonna lose the only good thing you’ve got.  You have to settle down sometime and if you mess this up the should of, could of, would of fairy will be whispering in your ear.

CAPRICORN

(Dec 22 ~ Jan 19) 

     The eye in the sky is watching you, so is everyone else.  Watch your step.  A talent scout or boss (someone important) is going to be in the most unexpected place.  Stay on your toes.  Try to let that inner light you have stand out at all times.  Let the world see how you really are.

This column is brought to you each and every month by Earthly Pride

   For personal readings, call Margie and make an appointment.  
  EARTHLY PRIDE 6826 Indianapolis Blvd. Hammond, IN • 219-844-9961

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