STARGAZING

AQUARIUS

(Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

Lots of poontang is on the horizon for you. Be wild and crazy. Don’t think, just act out and I promise you won’t be sorry.

PISCES

(Feb. 19 - March 20)

Hey you stroke! Now is NOT the time to sit around wanking. There’s all kinds of new prospects willing and eager do that for you. Be yourself, keep your sarcasm to yourself and things will be fine. Love and sex await you in June.

ARIES

(March 21 - April 19)

Stop being so lazy. This is the month you really need to get off your ass and do something productive. Nothing will get done unless you do it for yourself. That’s just life. And you need to find one.

TAURUS

(April 20 - May 20)

You’re feeling very affectionate this month. It must be the sunshine and thoughts of warm, lazy days with someone special (in the back of a van). Go on and let that lovey dovey person inside of you out. No one will think any less of you. And no one gets any less than you do...so what do you have to lose?

GEMINI

(May 21 - June 20)

You have mad energy this month and it’s contagious. Though you usually prefer to work solo, “team work” works best for you this month. Those with early June birthdays, this goes for your love life as well – group sex – could be yours if you get b-day party guests drunk enough.

CANCER

(June 21 - July 22)

Let’s call you “know it all” –– you don’t miss a thing or do you? Things aren’t what they seem. Read between the lines. Beware of half truths. Those with birthdays late in June should hope for the gifts of wisdom and humility.

LEO

(July 23 - Aug 22)

The chaos in your life is clouding your judgement. Look deeper in yourself to see the real picture. Put your pride to the side and see the right one was there all along dummy.

VIRGO

(Aug 23 - Sept 22)

Did you finally fall in love? Listen player, you might get played out cuz you’re dealing with a heavy hitter and you know they will end up on top (hopefully). Just when you thought it was safe to love again –– Wrong!

LIBRA

(Sept 23 - Oct 22)

This is your lucky month. You can get the girl with that extra cash you will be making at the new summer job you’ll soon be getting. Sex and Money will be yours by the month’s end.

SCORPIO

(Oct 23 - Nov 21)

What’s love got to do with it? Absolutely nothing! You don’t have to be in love to make love! But be direct and honest about feelings. No harm, no foul.

SAGITTARIUS

(Nov 22 - Dec 21)

Let’s call you Quick Draw McGraw. No need to rush baby. Slow down, take your time, do things right. There’s enough two minute men in this world and your new girlfriend oughta know... she’s been with most of them.

CAPRICORN

(Dec 22 - Jan 19)

Concentrate on one thing at a time and really listen to what people have to say to you. Even though you have a five second memory span (ya pot head). The info you will receive from two strangers this month will be very important in future events.

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