STARGAZING

AQUARIUS

(Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

Family troubles are weighing heavy on your mind this month. Words said between you and a few others will wedge family members apart. Right now is the time to bite your tongue big mouth.

PISCES

(Feb. 19 - March 20)

Be more direct pea brain. The hottie you have in mind is not a mind reader, but a blond. You have to spell it out for us!! That will take you from first base to home base, quicker than those Cubbies!

ARIES

(March 21 - April 19)

Clean up your act. Nobody likes a slob. This is a good month for you to find Miss Right and finally break it off with Rosie Palm, for once and for all (sigh)!

TAURUS

(April 20 - May 20)

Focus is the word of the day. Focus on your job, focus on all the fine honeys that are swarming you this month. Don’t settle just yet, play hard to get!! It’s all about the game baby!

GEMINI

(May 21 - June 20)

This is going to be an excellent month for you financially, because you’ve done all the leg work. You’ll be able to finally get your life back on track, so stop stressing out! Okay? Ya Spaz!

CANCER

(June 21 - July 22)

Someone is cheating. Someone is lying. Guess who that someone is. You! Watch your back cuz people are catching on to you. Your whole world may soon come crashing down! Burn baby burn!

LEO

(July 23 - Aug 22)

Summer is over! Let it go... along with the unpleasant company you’ve acquired these last few months. Those aren’t your real friends. They will stab you in the back the first chance they get. It’s time to throw out the trash.

VIRGO

(Aug 23 - Sept 22)

As fall begins, so does a new relationship. Don’t have unrealistic expectations for your new lover. Talk! Get to know each other before you start showing your mental side, you flaming freak!

LIBRA

(Sept 23 - Oct 22)

Margie’s 3 steps to loosen up. Step 1) whip that sourpuss look off your face (smile)! Step 2) Stop taking everything so damn personal. Step 3) Go out! Have a few beers and actually converse with the opposite sex. (it does the body good)!

SCORPIO

(Oct 23 - Nov 21)

You’re scared to be alone, so you keep dragging your stale relationship out. Stop! Let go! I promise single life will treat you good and so will the many strange one night stands you’ll come to meet.

SAGITTARIUS

(Nov 22 - Dec 21)

Live and let die. Stop worrying about what everyone else is doing and worry about yourself for a change. The people who truly care will be there no matter what! Chill out and lose the paranoia.

CAPRICORN

(Dec 22 - Jan 19)

Can you say rejected! There’s a first! The one who is used to having everything, now has nothing! Serves you right. All is fair in love and war.

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