STARGAZING

HOROSCOPE COLUMN

STARGAZING with Alfonse

by Alfonse

AQUARIUS

(Jan. 20 ~ Feb. 18)

Like The Jeffersons, you will find yourself “Movin’ on up!” this month. Something sudden will likely prompt a move up in status in the workplace. But you have to be ready and willing to take the challenge.

PISCES

(Feb. 19 ~ March 20)

You “Fish” people will have a pretty smooth, if not exciting month as we move into Fall. Nothing drastic either “good” or “bad” on the horizon. But don’t be “lured” into complacency fish face, because next month all that will likely change.

ARIES

(March 21 ~ April 19)

Love life stabilizes at long last for you Aries. Fall walks holding hands and like-minded romantic things will help keep things smooth for you. So buy a box of chocolates and woo your significant other.

TAURUS

(April 20 ~ May 20)

Some of you heeded last month’s warning to “Do whatever you must...” to keep in favor with the boss. Those who did not, will feel the consequences this month. You just may find something “pink” along with your paycheck this month.

GEMINI

(May 21 ~ June 20)

Slow down already!!! You “twins” are working double duty and double time. Burn out is inevitable at this rate. Gemini are very creative and productive people, but even you have your limits.

CANCER

(June 21 ~ July 22)

You should have gotten more nookie than you could handle these past two months. Good thing too, because sex is going to dry up like a 72-year-old hooker’s honey pot this month. You will be flying “solo” with a battery-operated friend for awhile, so stock up on “AA” Dura-Cells.

LEO

(July 23 ~ Aug 22)

What’s wrong with you? You keep up these false truths, even though you are getting totally busted out. Life will continue to spiral for you Leo until you come clean.

VIRGO

(Aug 23 ~ Sept 22)

The hard work has just begun! You’ve taken a big, new step in life and the road will be hard to travel for a while. You can do it if and only if you stay focused.

LIBRA

(Sept 23 ~ Oct 22)

Life will be soooo bad for you in the coming weeks in everything –– work, home, family, friends, etc –– my advice is to stay roaring drunk until Halloween!

SCORPIO

(Oct 23 ~ Nov 21)

That special “friend” is going to get discovered soon. Either bail on the relationship or embrace it and come clean. Someone is going to be hurting soon!

SAGITTARIUS

(Nov 22 ~ Dec 21)

The antibiotics may have helped you out the last time, but this time you will really flirtin’ with disaster if you let Mr. Willie persuade you to “play hide and seek” with that skanky gal whose been buying rounds and plying you with drinks lately. Remember pal... you play, you pay...and pay...and pay! Run fast!!!!

CAPRICORN

(Dec 22 ~ Jan 19)

Okay...the fact you are a sexual “super freak” is getting around sweetie, so expect an increase in “come ons” from strangers looking for some “strange.” Kinkiness fits you like a glove, so make the most of your fantasy overdrive and enjoy life to the hilt this month. Do it like a bunny honey, but plan to slow down after this month, because “someone special” is looming in your future and they don’t want a player.

Back To Top

Web Design By:
Hungry Mind Design